It's Hard For Me Not To Be

I'm Not The Kind Of Person Who Digs Through Things Other People Have Thrown Away.

If I Wasn't An Actor? Hmm, I'd Probably Be A Serial Killer. I'm Just So Damn Likeable, No One Would Ever Suspect Me.

I'm Sick Of People Saying I Hate Blacks, Women, And Gays. It's False And Slanderous. Everyone Who Knows Me Knows I Hate The Chinese.

Turning Water To Wine? I Mean C'mon, That's Stupid. They Should Have Let Me Write The Bible.

I Was Stuck In Traffic One Day And Just Kinda Thought It Would Be Funny To Masturbate. It Was Sunny And Clear Out, So I Was Worried One Of The Other Drivers Would See Me, But My Jeep Is Pretty High Off The Ground, So I Think No One Noticed. I Busted A Nut And Aimed It Down, Ruining My Tweety Bird Floor Mat. I Felt Kinda Stupid After And My Mom Kept Silent The Rest Of The Drive Home. It Was Awkward And I Regret It.