Just The Other Day I Said To

If Your House Is Really A Mess And A Stranger Comes To The Door Greet Him With, 'who Could Have Done This? We Have No Enemies!'

I Finally Had A Ship Tattooed To My Chest. I Wanted Something On It.

We Spend The First Twelve Months Of Our Children's Lives Teaching Them To Walk And Talk And The Next Twelve Telling Them To Sit Down And Shut Up.

Burt Reynolds Once Asked Me Out. I Was In His Room.

[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God Won't Know Me. There Are No Two Parts Of My Body The Same Age.