Life Is Tough, And If We Don't

Sometimes During My Set I Invite Volunteers Up On Stage To Get Speed-roasted And I'm Worried That I May Have Hundreds Of People Rushing The Stage All At Once. Luckily I'm A Black Belt In Karate And I Can Fend Them Off.

Life Is Short. You Have To Be Able To Laugh At Our Pain Or We Never Move On.

Life Has To Keep Going, So You Can Either Be A Victim The Rest Of Your Life And Let It Drag You Down Into Drugs And Alcohol And Depression Or You Can Turn It Into Something Good, Fun Even, You Know, And I Tell Young People Who Are Going Through Depression That This Might Be The Most Important Time Of Your Life. This Might Be What Makes You A Great Artist Later On.

How Is It Possible That Courtney Love Looks Worse Than Kurt Cobain?

I Like To Roast Things From The Inside Out. I Like To Know What's Going On.