Louis [c.k.] Is Great. But I Don't

Whenever I Do Theaters, I Don't Like 'em. I Don't Think They're Right For Stand-up.

The Most Frequent Cause Of Regret For What We Have Done Is Because Its Effects Interfere With What We Would Do.

I Went To A Hypnotist. He Put Me Under A Spell, And Every Time I Had A Craving For A Cigarette, I Would Throw Up. It's Very Embarrassing Right After Sex. I Find It Pretty Hard To Get That Second Date After That. Girls Get All Snobby After You Barf On Them.

I'm Not Gay, So I Don't Know Much About Broadway Musicals.

The Young Compliment Their Greatness On The Number Of Their Friends; The Old, On The Confidence Of Them.