Men Lie The Most, Women Tell The

Are They Real Fires? Or Are People Just Reacting To Something? Just Because There’s An Alarm Going Doesn’t Mean It’s A Fire. And I Think That People Are Confusing The Two. It’s Only A Fire When It Offends The Fans, And The Fans Turn On You. Tosh Has Fans, And They Get The Joke. If You’ve Watched Enough Tracy Morgan, You Let The Worst Thing Go By. When Did Tracy Morgan Become Walter Cronkite? You Have To Mean Something To Me To Offend Me. You Can’t Break Up With Me If We Don’t Date.

Stop The Violence! Can't We All Just Get Along?

I Like Talking About Subjects That Aren't Funny In The First Place And Making Them Funny. So Anything Down And Depressing Is Something I'll Talk About.

If You're The President You Only Have Two Jobs: Peace And Money.

Tomorrow Is More Sure Than Just About Anything Else In The Entire World.