Michael Jackson Has A New Baby Boy;

A Survey Says That American Workers Work The First Three Hours Every Day Just To Pay Their Taxes. So That's Why We Can't Get Anything Done In The Morning: We're Government Workers.

President Bush Said He Was 'troubled' By Gay People Getting Married In San Francisco. He Said On Important Issues Like This The People Should Make The Decision, Not Judges. Unless Of Course We're Choosing A President, Then He Prefers Judges.

The Military Said We'll Be Able To Confirm Saddam Is Dead With Dna Testing. Apparently We Have A Sample Of His Dna. So Monica Lewinsky Is Working For The Cia?

A New Poll Says That If The Election Were Held Today, Both John Kerry And John Edwards Would Beat President Bush By Double Digit Margins. The White House Is So Worried About This, They're Now Thinking Of Moving Up The Capture Of Osama Bin Laden To Next Month.

Clinton's Pet Labrador, Buddy, Is Getting Neutered. The Dog Will Never Have Sex Again. Overnight, They've Turned Buddy From A Democrat Into A Republican.