Misquotations Are The Only Quotations That Are

Do You Believe In God? Perhaps You Aren't Old Enough. The Reason Old People Believe In God Is Because They've Given Up Believing In Anything Else, And One Can't Exist Without Faith In Something.... God Is A Sort Of Burglar. As A Young Man You Knock Him Down; As An Old Man, You Try To Conciliate Him Because He May Knock You Down. Moral: Don't Grow Old.

Fate Stalks Us With Depressing Monotony From Womb To Tomb, And, When We Are Least Expecting It, Deals Us A Series Of Crushing Blows From Behind.

When People Are Old Enough To Know Better They Are Old Enough To Do Worse.

[d]on't Grow Old. With Age Comes Caution, Which Is Another Name For Cowardice.... Whatever Else You Do In Life, Don't Cultivate A Conscience. Without A Conscience A Man May Never Be Said To Grow Old. This Is An Age Of Very Old Young Men.

An Author Should Be Delighted, Not Annoyed When He Hears Himself Persistently Misquoted. He Could Receive No Higher Compliment. It Proves That The World Has Frequent And Urgent Need Of His Thoughts And Will Rather Change The Manner In Which He Expresses Them Than Do Without The Things Expressed.