My Advice To You, If You Want

[to Audience Members Who Were Arriving Late] You Haven't Missed A Thing, I Was Just Killing Time 'til You Got Here.

Why Are There No Windows In The Toilets On Aeroplanes? To Protect You From The Most Dedicated Perverts On The Planet, Hanging Off The Wing To Get A Peep?

I Think My Securities Far Outweigh My Insecurities. I Am Not Nearly As Afraid Of Myself And My Imagination As I Used To Be.

Chic Murray Once Told Me He Fell In The Street, And A Woman Said To Him, "did You Fall?" He Said, "no, I'm Tryin' To Break A Bar Of Chocolate In My Back Pocket."

I’m Actually Pale Blue: It Takes Me A Week Of Sunbathing To Turn White.