My Dad Always Said, If Someone Hands

My First Job As A Kid Was Going From Door To Door Selling Christmas Cards, To Raise Money For My Grandmother's Hip Replacement. Because, You Know... You Break It, You Buy It.

How Many People Here Have Telekenetic Powers? Raise My Hand.

The Scots Are A Very Tough People. They Have Drive-by Headbuttings. In Glasgow A Sweatband Is Considered A Silencer.

My Parents Had Very Strict Rules For Me. Rules Like, I Couldn't Be Home Until A Certain Hour.

When I Was A Kid, I Slept On Rubber Sheets, But Now, I'm A Man. And I Can Take The Wetness!