My Dad Always Said, If Someone Hands

I Wanted To Get From 4th Street To 8th... Then I Remembered Einstein Postulating That Parallel Lines Eventually Meet. They're Dredging My Car From Lake Michigan As We Speak.

I Was At A Bar Nursing A Beer. My Nipple Was Getting Quite Soggy.

But I Like To Swim. At High School, I Tried Out For The Swim Team. I Shaved Off All My Body Hair, And That Extra Burst Of Speed From All The Bullies Shouting Kill The Fairy.

Writing Jokes For Others Is Like Having Babies For Someone Else. It's Sad. Like The Woman Who Gives Up Her Baby But Needs To Be Close So She Secretly Becomes The Maid In The Household.

Some Mornings, It's Just Not Worth Chewing Through The Leather Straps.