My Father Used To Call Me The

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

Before You Get Married You Should Meet Your Fiance's Parents. It Is Not Enough That You Like His Parole Officer.

We Have Far Too Many Kids. At One Time In The Playpen There Was Standing-room Only. It Looked Like A Bus Stop For Midgets. It Used To Get So Damp In There, We'd Have A Rainbow Above It.

I Still Take The Pill. I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

When You Play Spin The Bottle, If They Don't Want To Kiss You They Have To Give You A Quarter. Well, Hell, By The Time I Was Twelve Years Old I Owned My Own Home.