My Sister And I Never Engaged In

House Guests Should Be Regarded As Perishables: Leave Them Out Too Long And They Go Bad.

People Usually Survive Their Illnesses, But The Paper Work Eventually Does Them In. Filing A Claim For Insurance Is Terminal.

When A Child Is Locked In The Bathroom With Water Running And He Says He's Doing Nothing But The Dog Is Barking, Call 911.

I Have Always Felt Cookbooks Were Fiction And The Most Beautiful Words In The English Language Were 'room Service.

The Only Reason I Would Take Up Jogging Is So That I Could Hear Heavy Breathing Again.