My View Of Life Is, 'if You're

The Russians Haven't Been To The Moon. You Know Why? Because They're Space Pussies... You Really Want To Impress Us? Bring Us Back Our Flag!

John Goodman Isn't Fat. He's In A Category Beyond Fat. What Does One Call It? Whalelike.

I Got Divorced, Which Was Not A Good Thing For A Revivalist Minister. It Did Not Go Down Well. I'd Already Been Banned From A Couple Churches For My Jokes. So One Day I Woke Up And Decided It Was Time To Start Living For Myself.

You Don't Know What A Rough Crowd Is. If All I Have To Do Is Go Make People Laugh, That's Nothing. Let Me Tell You What A Tough Crowd Is. A Tough Crowd Is Going To A Morning Service And You Got Six People There And You Gotta Pay Your House Payment. That's A Tough Crowd.

If I've Learned One Thing, It's 'don't Tell The Truth.' Lies Keep You Together.