My Wife Went Into The Butchers And

Did You Know You Can Have An Irish Abortion, But There Is A 12 Month Waiting List?

My Uncle Jimmy Took Liver Salts Twice A Day For 40 Years. He Died On Sunday, Was Buried Wednesday And The Following Friday They Had To Go To The Cemetery To Beat His Liver To Death With A Stick.

I Said To The Waitress, "there's A Fly Swimming In My Soup." She Said: "you've Got Too Much Soup - He Should Only Be Able To Paddle."

It's Never Occurred To Me To Worry About My Health, Or That I'll Get Old, Or That People Will Stop Laughing At Me.

This Is Frank Carson, News At Ten, Sober.