Never Ask Your Wife If She Still

Happiness Is Discovering The Prune Juice Your Doctor Ordered You To Drink Has Fermented.

If Life Was Fair, Elvis Would Be Alive And All The Impersonators Would Be Dead.

I Think Students Ought To Have The Right To Protest, But Not To The Point Of Anarchy.

Democracy Is Welcoming People From Other Lands, And Giving Them Something To Hold Onto. Usually A Mop Or A Leaf Blower.

I Demand My Right To A Private Life, Just As I Respect That Right For Everybody Else.