Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.

Now Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drinking; It's Easy. I've Done It A Thousand Times.

Beer: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 3000 B. C.

I'd Take A Bromo, But I Can't Stand The Noise.

W. C. Fields, A Lifetime Agnostic, Was Discovered Reading A Bible On His Deathbed. ''i'm Looking For A Loop-hole,'' He Explained.

You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.