Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.

Marriage Is Better Than Leprosy Only Because It's Easier To Get Rid Of.

I Must Have A Drink Of Breakfast.

I Could Juggle Anything In My Day. Balls, Cigar Boxes, Knives...but There Was One Thing I Could Never Juggle. My Income Tax.

I Personally Stay Away From Natural Foods. At My Age I Need All The Preservatives I Can Get.

The Movie People Would Have Nothing To Do With Me Until They Heard Me Speak In A Broadway Play, Then They All Wanted To Sign Me For The Silent Movies.