Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.

I Spent Half My Money On Gambling, Alcohol And Wild Women. The Other Half I Wasted.

No Doubt Exists That All Women Are Crazy; It's Only A Question Of Degree.

You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.

Back In My Rummy Days, I Would Tremble And Shake For Hours Upon Arising. It Was The Only Exercise I Got.

I Once Donated A Pint Of My Finest Red Corpuscles To The Great American Red Cross And The Doctor Opined My Blood Was Very Helpful; Contained So Much Alcohol They Could Use It To Sterilize Their Instruments.