No-one Gets Beaten To Death Quite Like

Ohio Governor John Kasich Became The 16th Republican To Announce That He Is Running For President. During His Speech He Referred To Jesus Christ, Which Is Ironic Because So Did Americans When They Heard Another Republican Was Running For President.

I'm On So Late I'm Definitely The Last Seconds Of Anyone's Attention. So I Just Want To Give Them Something Dumb To Laugh At, So They Go, 'that's Funny,' Then Fall Asleep.

Researchers In Canada Say They Have Discovered The Part Of The Brain That Is Used To Make Decisions, And This Is Weird: If You're Married, It's Actually Located In Your Wife's Brain.

The U.s. Continues The Search For Osama Bin Laden. Reports Suggest That Bin Laden Is Most Likely Hiding Out Somewhere Remote And Barren, Where He Will Not Encounter Others. The Fbi Has Begun Searching Theaters Showing The Movie 'glitter.'

Hillary Clinton Was Actually Inducted Into The Irish American Hall Of Fame Yesterday. Hillary Said She's Very Proud Of Her Irish Heritage Or Her Italian Heritage Or Her Asian Heritage. Whatever It Takes To Seal The Deal With You Guys. I've Got To Get Into That Oval Office.