Once I Was Doing A Sponsored Walk.

My Mum Told Me The Best Time To Ask My Dad For Anything Was During Sex. Not The Best Advice I'd Ever Been Given. I Burst In Through The Bedroom Door Saying "can I Have A New Bike?". He Was Very Upset. His Secretary Was Surprisingly Nice About It. I Got The Bike.

I Did A Gig In The U.s. Once For The Homeless. I Said 'it's Nice To See So Many Bums On Seats.'

I, Of Course, Don't Have An Accent. This Is Just How Things Sound When They Are Pronounced Properly.

I Didn't Plan To Be The Rude Middle-class Comedian. You Write A Certain Type Of Joke That You Find Funny, And Mine Happen To Be Often Rude. Yes, It's Juvenile, But That's Me.

I Was In Love With The Idea Of Being In Love With A Woman Way Before I Was Actually In Love With One.