Only A Few Things Are Really Important.

If There's One Thing I Know, It's Men. I Ought To. It's Been My Life's Work.

I Never Weep Over Lost Money, For I Figure I'd Rather Go To The Poorhouse Once Than Go There Every Day.

I'm Too Homely For A Prima Donna And Too Ugly For A Soubrette.

No Vice Is So Bad As Advice.

We Have Learned To Take Life Seriously, But Never Ourselves.