President Obama Told The Irish People That

The Federal Government Said Today They've Begun Training Sessions For Airport Security Workers To Provide What They Call More Customer Satisfaction To The Travels, They Want To Make It Easier For Us. They're Instructing Security Guards To Glance At Your Luggage Tags So That They Can Call You By Your First Name. Isn't That Creepy? The Guy Touching Your Wife, Calling Her By Her First Name.

Now See, A Lot Of Critics Are Saying Arnold Can't Get Elected Because He's Just An Ambitious Guy With A Famous Name, Who Doesn't Know Anything About Running The Government. Didn't Hurt George Bush.

The White House Has Now Released Military Documents That They Say Prove George Bush Met His Requirements For The National Guard. Big Deal, We've Got Documents That Prove Al Gore Won The Election.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Announced That He Is Going To Run For Governor On Our Program Last Night. My Staff Didn't Know, Arnold's Staff Didn't Know, I Was Shocked As Everyone Else. If He Doesn't Get Elected Governor, Maybe He Should Work For The Cia. I Mean, He Can Keep A Secret Better Than They Can.

John Kerry Fell Off Of His Bicycle Over The Weekend. He Went For A Sunday Afternoon Ride, Fell Off In Front Of The News Media. Luckily, His Hair Broke The Fall So It's Not As Serious. ... Thankfully, Senator Kerry Was Not Seriously Injured. In Fact, When The Police Arrived, Kerry Was Well Enough To Give Conflicting Reports To The Officers About What Happened.