Put God And Me In A Cage,

First I Took A Crap On The Hooker's Chest, Then I Told Her I'd Pay Her A Thousand Dollars To Eat It. She Was Addicted To Crack, So Of Course She Did It. It Was So Gross, Though, It Made Her Throw Up, So I Said I'd Pay Her Another Thousand To Lick All That Up, Too. She Started To, But For Some Reason She Started Crying As She Was Doing It, Saying, 'i Went To College! I Have A Degree!' Oh Man, It Was Hilarious. I Don't Know If It Was Technically Sex Because I Just Beat Off On Her Face, But Definitely One Of My Most Intense Orgasms.

Sometimes, I Go To Barnes & Noble With The Sole Intention Of Moving All Copies Of The Bible To The Fiction Section.

I Can't Say I Agree With Something That Takes The Focus Away From Me.

If I Could Change Anything About Garden State, It Would Be To Cast Somebody Else For The Female Lead. Natalie Just Isn't Really That Good Of An Actress. Especially When Compared To Me. Just Watch The Two Of Us, It's Light And Dark. I Am By Far The Better Jew.

When I Was Little I Always Wanted To Drive A Train. That, And Become A Baker.