That's The One Thing I Have Over

If I Have Sex, I Know My Quarterly Estimated Taxes Must Be Due. And If It's Oral Sex, I Know It's Time To Renew My Driver's License.

Every Parent Knows That For A Kid, The Car Is Chloroform.

My Theory Has Always Been That Everyone In Show Business Is There Because They Were Deprived Of Some Attention As A Child.

I'm Now Unemployed. It's A Weird Feeling With No Work, But At Least There's Still Golf. Standup Comedy Is Like My Core, It's What I Do. But I Want To Be A Pro Golfer. It's A Love/hate Relationship With Golf. I Can Come Away Feeling So Serene, And Yet, It's The Thing That I Can Let Get To Me To Throw A Club And Say Curses That Don't Even Exist. I'm Obsessed With Something That Won't Let Me Master It. I Don't Know. I Need Therapy.

Identical Twins. I'm Glad They're Identical 'cause You Save Money On Photographs. That's What I Like. Yeah. Here's My Little Boy. I Got Another One Just Like It.