I Don't Know What It's Going To

I'm Italian, But Some People Think I'm Jewish Because I Work The Yiddish. I Also Work The Italian, By The Way.

I Have A Friend Who Actually Told Me That She'd Rather Be Dead Than Be Fat. This Is A Woman Who, If I Order A Sandwich At Lunch, She'll Order A Salad. If I Order A Salad, She'll Order Half A Cantaloupe. If I Order Half A Cantaloupe, She'll Order A Cup Of Coffee. This Bizarre Contest Continues Until She's Down To Sucking On A Mint-flavored Toothpick. At This Rate, Her Preference For Dying Over Being Fat Could Be A Reality Sooner Than She Thinks.

What Daughter Thinks Of Her Parents In Flagrante Delicto? Yet, My Mother, Even After Years With Him, Dropped Hints Such As, 'you Know, Your Father Enjoys His Matinees.' I Never Even Saw Them Go To The Movies Together. What Could She Mean? All Those Afternoons, I Thought She Was Upstairs Listening To La Traviata, And Those High Notes Apparently Were Not Coming From The Radio.

You Really Have To Know Who You Are. It Takes, Uh It's Not That Easy.

Republican Party Hasn't Been Black Friendly Over The Many Centuries In This Country.