In His First Speech As Speaker, Boehner

A New Study Says That Over Half Of All Californians Are Obese. In Fact, Half Of Californians Are Really Two-thirds Of Californians.

President Obama's Been Reaching Out To Iran, Reaching Out To Cuba, Reaching Out To Latin America. The Only Place He Can't Seem To Be Able To Reach Out To: Texas. ... Despite Governor Rick Perry Talking About How Texas Could Secede From The Union If It Wanted To, 75 Per Cent Of The People Who Live There Want To Stay In The United States. Of Course They Want To Stay. I Mean, After Spending All That Time And Effort Sneaking Across The Border To Get Here, Why Would They Want To Leave?

Thousands Of Dead Fish Have Now Washed Up On Shore Along The Coast Of South Carolina. Today The Nra Said That This Wouldn't Have Happened If Those Fish Had Guns.

Chris Christie Has Officially Endorsed Mitt Romney For President. Christie Said President Obama Is 'shrinking The American Pie.' And Believe Me, If There's One Thing Christie Hates, It's A Small Pie.

When Rick Perry Was Told About Kim Jong Il, He Said, 'i Never Heard Of Him, But Then Again, I Don't Listen To That Rap.'