The Only Honest Art Form Is Laughter,

You Put A Guy On A Desert Island, He'll Do It To Mud, A Chicken, A Barrel, Anything, A Knothole.

I Won't Say Ours Was A Tough School, But We Had Our Own Coroner. We Used To Write Songs Like, "what I'm Going To Do If I Grow Up".

Dig: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles Is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's Goyish. B'nai B'rith Is Goyish; Hadassah, Jewish. If You Live In New York Or Any Other Big City, You Are Jewish. It Doesn't Matter Even If You're Catholic; If You Live In New York, You're Jewish. If You Live In Butte, Montana, You're Going To Be Goyish Even If You're Jewish.

When You're Eight Years Old, Nothing Is Any Of Your Business.

The Role Of A Comedian Is To Make The Audience Laugh, At A Minimum Of Once Every Fifteen Seconds.