The Zombie Sex, I Have No Idea.

Don't Die Until You're Dead.

I've Never Done A Comedy Club In My Life. It's Weird Because I Don't Have The Same Background As Most Comics. I Don't Have A History Of Going Up And Only Doing Eight Minutes.

I Used To Be A Folk Singer, But I Was... Dreadful. I Had A Voice Like A Goose Farting In The Fog.

Heckling Is An Act Of Cowardice. If You Want To Speak, Get Up In Front Of The Microphone And Speak, Don't Sit In The Dark Hiding. It's Easy To Hide And Shout And Waste People's Time.

,000 People In Hampden Park. Of Course They're All Scottish. Because No One Else Goes There. The English Have An Unwritten Rule: They Only Go To Places They Might Get Back From.