These Greens Are So Fast I Have

Golf Course Architects Make Me Sick. They Can't Play Themselves, So They Rig The Courses So Nobody Else Can Play Either.

Over The Years I've Studied The Habits Of Golfers. I Know What To Look For. Watch Their Eyes. Fear Shows Up When There Is An Enlargement Of The Pupils. Big Pupils Lead To Big Scores.

Those Who Go Along Get Along.

The Only Place That's Holier Than St. Andrews Is Westminster Abbey.

That Little White Ball Is Always Staring Back At You, Daring You To Make A Mistake.