Time Wounds All Heels.

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

While Money Can't Buy Happiness, It Certainly Lets You Choose Your Own Form Of Misery.

A Woman Can Smell Mink Through Six Inches Of Lead.

Always Examine The Dice.

Making Love To Your Wife Is Like Shooting At Sitting Ducks.