Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards Yourself.

Scotch Needs Water Like A Fish Needs A Bicycle.

The First Thing Any Comedian Does On Getting An Unscheduled Laugh Is To Verify The State Of His .

It's What You Do That Counts And Not What You Say; Therefore I Fired My Press Agent.

Show Me A Great Actor And I'll Show You A Lousy Husband. Show Me A Great Actress, And You've Seen The Devil.

I Didn't Squawk About The Steak, Dear. I Merely Said I Didn't See That Old Horse That Used To Be Tethered Outside Here.