Twitter! Never Have Lives Been Less Lived

Somebody Call Janet Reno - I Think I Just Saw Donato Dragging Doug Flutie Into A Locker Room Closet!

I'm Sorry, Those Pictures From The Abu Ghraib. At First, They, Like Infuriated Me, I Was Sad. Then Like, A Couple Days Later, After They Cut The Guy's Head Off, They Didn't Seem Like Much. And Now, I Like To Trade Them With My Friends.

Democratic Candidate John Kerry On Tuesday Chose Fellow Senator John Edwards To Be His Running Mate. Asked About Edwards' Lack Of Foreign Policy Experience, Kerry Revealed His New Campaign Slogan, 'i Promise Not To Die.'

The Easiest Job In The World Has To Be Coroner. Surgery On Dead People. What's The Worst Thing That Could Happen? If Everything Went Wrong, Maybe You'd Get A Pulse.

Is It Just Me, Or Are The 49ers Doing An Awful Lot Of Ass-patting Today?