I See My Face In The Mirror

I Moved From Cleveland To L.a. With A Girlfriend, We Broke Up, And I Lived Out Of My Car For A Year And A Half, On The Road With Nothing On My Mind But Getting My Act Good Enough To Be On 'the Tonight Show.'

Who Ever Thought That The World-famous Captain Obvious Was Really Mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?

If You're Wearing A Bluetooth Thing And You've Got That Thing On Your Belt, You Are Working For Somebody Else. You Are Not The Guy In Charge. That's A Really Good Social Status Indicator.

There's Nothing Like The Energy In A Small Comedy Club Room Or A Small Theater When It's Going Really Well. I Can See Everybody's Face Practically In The Whole Room. There's No Cameras In The Way, And It's Just Me.

Listen, You Don't Know Any Better So I'll Just Tell You. You Can't Try To Save Money By Not Having The Right Beer. You Know, You Can Skip Having Medical Insurance, You Can Buy Everything You Own At A Swap Meet But The Right Beer Is What Makes Living Like This Possible.