When Did The Cell Phone Become A

Really? If I Could Hate My Trainer? That Would Be Ideal. I'd Prefer To Despise This Person With The Fire Of Ten Thousand Suns. So When I Walk - Nay, Crawl - Out Of Here At The End Of My Workouts, I Want To Lull Myself To Sleep By Picturing My Very Talented And Inspirational Trainer Getting Hit By A Bus. A Bus That I Am Driving.

The Living Room Is A Monument To My Impulsive Spending Habits. I've Got More Than Two Hundred Dvds, Including Cinematic Greats Such As Monkey Bone, Corkey Romano, And A Night At The Roxbury, Leading Me To Believe Not Only Do I Have Awful Taste In Films, But I Also Have A Chris Kattan Fixation. What I Don't Have Is $4000 Earing Intrest In A Money Market Account.

No Matter How Happy Anyone Is With Their Choices, I Believe It's Human Nature To Wonder About The Path Not Taken.

I've Always Been Able To Cook Italian Food. That's In My Blood Because I'm Half Sicilian.

I’m Instantly Mortified By My Fat, Uncontrollable Mouth, But That’s When It Occurs To Me That My Humor Is A Self-defense Mechanism. Even Though I May Come Off Like A Stark Raving Asshat, Being Funny Is The Most Important Tool I Have To Stay Sane. The Ability To Say What I Think Is The Key To Allowing Me To Feel In Control.