When I Was Doing Standup, I Always

This Is The Most Exciting Place In The World To Live. Oh Yeah! There Are So Many Ways To Die In New York City! Race Riots, Drive By Shootings, Subway Crashes, Construction Cranes Collapsing On The Sidewalks, Manhole Covers Blowing Up And Asbestos Shooting Into The Sky.

Where I Grew Up, The Basketball Courts Were Rarely Used.

I Wasn't The Best Student. I Wasn't Stupid, But I Wasn't Paying A Lot Of Attention.

My Biggest Regret In Life Is That I Didn't Hit John Denver In The Mouth While I Has The Chance.

No Woman Can Be Completely Happy At Any One Moment In Time. They're Always Anticipating The Next Thing To Argue Or Complain About.