Pity? You Don't Want To Be Pitied

I Never Tell An Audience What They Can Expect. I Never Have And I Never Will. I'm An Entertainer For 75 Years.

You Might As Well Like Yourself; Just Think About All The Time You're Gonna Have To Spend With You.

Don't You Understand How Dramatic It Is To Be A Comic? To Be A Fool, To Get People To Laugh At This Show-off? Milton Berle Could Take Laurence Olivier And Stick Him Under The Table If He Wanted To. And So Could I.

Every Man's Dream Is To Be Able To Sink Into The Arms Of A Woman Without Also Falling Into Her Hands.

I Turned Down 'some Like It Hot.' See How Smart I Am? I Felt I Couldn't Bring Anything Funny To It. The Outfit Was Funny. I Don't Need To Compete With The Wardrobe.