With Girls I Get No Respect. A

Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.

I Know I'm Not Sexy. In High School I Was Voted Most Likely To Masturbate.

My Psychiatrist Told Me I Was Crazy And I Said I Want A Second Opinion. He Said Okay, You're Ugly Too.

We Learned Sexual Technique From Our Dog. He Taught How To Beg, And He Taught My Wife How To Roll Over And Play Dead.