With The Amount Of Money I Have,

My Mother Says To Me, When I'm Making A New Movie, She Says, "oh, Is Steve Buscemi In It?" I'd Say, "yeah." And She, "oh, Then It's Going To Be A Good One." I Swear To God, She Says That Every Time. And When I Say Steve's Not In It, She Says, "oh."

Kids End Up Seeing My Movies Anyway But Some Of The Mothers Get Mad At Me So I Figured I'd Make One That I Can't Get Yelled At For.

I Sang A Song At My Sister's Wedding. My Mother Forced Me Into That, Too. But That One Felt All Right.

Alright, Remember, Alcohol Equals Puke Equals Smelly Mess Equals Nobody Likes You.

I Don't Laugh At Me. I Used To. I Used To Get The Giggles When I'd See Myself. But Now, I See Myself Onscreen, And I Sure Don't Laugh.