Women Are More Emotional, And It's Natural

I Don't Do Marriage. I Think It's Incredibly Naff. And I Don't Like Vulgar Displays Of Ostentation.

I've Just Got Crap Hair. Although I Inherited A Lot Of Stuff From My Dad, Including Giant Knees, I Didn't Get His Good, Thick Hair. I Got My Mother's Thin, Wispy, Non-event Hair Instead.

As A Five-year-old In Berlin In 1965, I Didn't Know That Funny Women Existed. It Wasn't Until I Got Back To England That I Realised Women Could Be Funny.

A Good Fart Joke Makes Me Bawl With Laughter, So Will Somebody Farting. And The Word 'poo.' You Can't Beat A Good Poo Joke.

The Only Way To Go On Holiday Is With Your Expectations At Ground Level. Convince Yourself Before You Go That The Weather's Going To Be Dreadful And There Will Be Nylon Sheets. You'll Then Be Pleasantly Surprised.