Women: You Can't Live With Them, And

When I Was A Kid My Parents Used To Tell Me, "emo, Don't Go Near The Cellar Door!" One Day When They Were Away, I Went Up To The Cellar Door. And I Pushed It And Walked Through And Saw Strange, Wonderful Things, Things I Had Never Seen Before, Like... Trees. Grass. Flowers. The Sun... That Was Nice... The Sun.

Once I Posed Nude For A Magazine. I've Never Been Back To That Newstand.

My First Job As A Kid Was Going From Door To Door Selling Christmas Cards, To Raise Money For My Grandmother's Hip Replacement. Because, You Know... You Break It, You Buy It.

I Used To Get Drunk Every Night Until I Puked. Finally I Admitted, "i Am A Bulemic".

I Like To Play Chess With Bald Men In The Park Although It's Hard To Find 32 Of Them.