You Can Wake Up Every Day And

The Gym Teacher's Name Was Mr. Caruso. Mr. Caruso Did Not Speak English. He Spoke 'gym.' One Day I Was Playing Basketball And Mr. Caruso Told Me I Would Have To Get An Athletic Supporter. He Didn't Express Himself Exactly That Way, Though. He Said, 'hey, You, One Day You're Gonna Go Up For A Rebound And The Family Jewels Aren't Gonna Go With Ya.' I Had No Idea What He Was Talking About. Next Day I Showed Up For Practice Without My Watch And My Mezuzah. He Said, 'did Ya Take Care Of The Family Jewels?' I Said, 'i Left 'em In My Locker.' Took Us A Half Hour To Revive Mr. Caruso.

I Was Told To Stay Away From Pasta And Bread For Two Weeks. Not Eating Pasta? That'll Kill Me. Anything Else, But Why Pasta?

Guys Ask Me, Don't I Get Burned Out? How Can You Get Burned Out Doing Something You Love? I Ask You, Have You Ever Got Tired Of Kissing A Pretty Girl?

Baseball Is Like Driving, It's The One Who Gets Home Safely That Counts.

My God, Look At The Words People Use Today. They Use Profanity Like It's Nothing. Christ Almighty.