You Know What I Hate The Most?

Not Everybody Hates Me. Only The People Who've Met Me.

I've Been At Stand-up 26 Years Now: After A While, You Get As Jaded As The Proverbial Gynecologist Who No Longer Enjoys Drugging And Violating His Patients.

I'm Learning Cuban. It's Like Spanish, But With Fewer Words For Luxury Items.

One Man's Pet-stained Carpet Is Another Man's Twister Game.

I Give Money To Unicef Because I Like The 'bang For Your Buck' Aspect. Here's $10, Go And Save 1,000 Kids From Blindness!