You Know You're Getting Fat When You

I'm Pretty Equal Opportunity When It Comes To Issues To Joke About.

My Fashion Philosophy Is, If You're Not Covered In Dog Hair, Your Life Is Empty.

I Guess In General, People Tend To Not Eat The Cute Animals.

We Have Women In The Military, But They Don't Put Us In The Front Lines. They Don't Know If We Can Fight, If We Can Kill. I Think We Can. All The General Has To Do Is Walk Over To The Women And Say, 'you See The Enemy Over There? They Say You Look Fat In Those Uniforms.'

I've Never Been Able To Write For Stand-up.