You Might Be A Redneck If Your

You Know, I Remember Career Day In High School. I Remember Plumbers And Lawyers... I Don't Remember A Booth Where You Could Sign Up To Learn How To Shoot Chickens Out Of A Cannon At The Windshield Of An Airplane, 'cause There Would Have Been A Line At My School To Do That!

For The First Time Ever I Was Taking The Family On The Road. We Stayed With My In-laws, Which On Life's List Of Experiences Ranks Right Below Sitting In A Tub Full Of Scissors.

I've Gotten To The Point I Won't Even Watch The 11 O'clock News. You Just Walk Away From It Thinking How Bad Everything Is.

The More Excited The Rooster Gets, The Higher His Voice Goes. He's Got A Little Bit Of A Barney Fife Quality To Him.

Changing A Diaper Is A Lot Like Getting A Present From Your Grandmother - You're Not Sure What You've Got But You're Pretty Sure You're Not Going To Like It.