You Might Be A Redneck If You

Whatever Cleaning Goes On On The Planet, Women Do 99% Of It. But See, Women Are Not As Proud Of Their 99% As Men Are Of Our One! We Clean Something Up, We're Gonna Talk About It All Year Long. It Might Be On The News, You Don't Know. A Woman Could Be Out Re-paving The Driveway. Men Actually Have Enough Gall To Run Out On The Porch And Go "hey Baby? Man, It's Hot As Hell Out Here, Ain't It! Look, Don't Worry About Emptyin' That Ashtray In The Den, I Done Got It, All Right? Did It For You, Sweet Pea. I'm Gonna Go Take A Nap Now, All Right?"

You Might Be A Redneck If A Full-grown Ostrich Has Fewer Feathers Than Your Cowboy Hat.

Being A Comedian, People Tell Me Stuff They Shouldn't Tell Their Therapist.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Wife Keeps A Can Of Vienna Sausage In Her Purse.

We're A Heart Attack Away From Losing The Right To Bear Arms.