You Say Tomato, I Say Bourbon And

I Actually Was Worried About The Pounding, But I Actually Love Running More Than Working Out On The Elliptical. Now If I Get On The Elliptical, I Feel Like I'm Trapped.

I Used To Go To The Cleveland Comedy Club All The Time. If There Was A Comic I Liked, I'd Go See Him Two Or Three Times That Week. Bob Saget Was One Of Those Guys.

Eating Crappy Food Isn't A Reward -- It's A Punishment.

Reality Shows Always Look For The Worst People.

The Difference Between Las Vegas And Atlantic City Is The Difference Between Getting Conned By A Beautiful Call Girl And Getting Mugged By A Crack Head.