A Terrible Thing Happened To Me Last

... If I Invested In A Mouthwash Stock, Bad Breath Would Suddenly Become Popular.

I Got My First Laugh When My Mother Entered Me In A Baby Contest.

There Isn't Any (afterlife), You Dingbat! This Is It, Baby! Enjoy, Carefully! Religion Is Such A Medieval Idea. Don't Get Me Started. I Have Thought About Every Facet Of Religion And I Can't Buy Any Of It. So God Made Man In His Own Image? It's Just The Other Way Around. Man Made God In His Own Image. It's All About Money.

Your Husband Is Lazy If When He Leaves The House, He Finds Out Which Way The Wind Is Blowing And Goes That Direction.

Sex Is Identical To Comedy In That It Involves Timing.