As A Comic, You Learn To Use

Watching A Baby Being Born Is A Little Like Watching A Wet St. Bernard Coming In Through The Cat Door.

If Your Thighs Look Like The Hood Of A White Toyota Minivan After A Hailstorm, You Aren't Juicy.

Did You Know Babies Are Nauseated By The Smell Of A Clean Shirt?

You Might Be A Redneck If You Work With A Shirt Off... And So Does Your Husband.

I've Got Keys To Crap I've Never Owned. You Put All My Keys Together I Could Be A High School Janitor Tonight.