At My Funeral, I Want Meryl Streep

Keep Moving. It's Hard For Old Age To Hit A Moving Target.

How To Fool Yourself Into Feeling Younger: When You Go To Restaurants, Always Check A Coat And A Skateboard.

The Psychic Scars Caused By Believing That You Are Ugly Leave A Permanent Mark On Your Personality.

Tom Cruise And Katie Holmes Had The Baby. He Was There For The Birth. It Would've Been Nice If He Was There For The Conception.

My Sex Life Has Gone From Bad To Pathetic. My G Spot Stands For Godforsaken.