Every Book Is A Children's Book If

I Make Myself A Bowl Of Instant Oatmeal, And Then I Don't Do Anything For An Hour. Why Do I Need The Instant Oatmeal? I Could Get The Regular Oatmeal And Feel Productive.

I Hate Dreaming Because When You Want To Sleep, You Want To Sleep. Dreaming Is Work. Next Thing You Know, I Have To Build A Go-cart With My Ex-landlord.

I Had A Job Interview At An Insurance Company Once, And The Lady Said 'where Do You See Yourself In Five Years?' I Said, 'celebrating The Fifth Year Anniversary Of You Asking Me This Question!'

A Lollipop Is A Cross Between Hard Candy And Garbage.

I Want To Rob A Bank With A Bb Gun. "give Me All Your Money Or I Will Give You A Dimple! I Will Be Rich, You Will Be Cute. We Both Win."