Every Dude In Here Has Had A

I'm Not The Comic Of The Generation, I'm Not Even The Funniest Guy In My Family.

I've Never Had A Surprise Birthday Party. I've Had Every Other Type Of Surprise. I've Had Surprise Beatings, Surprise Drug Tests, Surprise Daughter I Think.

Pre-mature Ejaculation. Let's Talk About It. Premature Ejaculation. That's A Pretty Fancy Term For, "ooooooh Oh No. This Has Never Happened Before."

Everything You Do, Burns Calories. Getting Up In The Morning, 100 Calories; Kicking The Hooker Out Of Your Bed, Another 100; Diapering Your Monkey, 35 Calories; Laughing At A Midget, Fun And 10 Calories; Catching Your Girlfriend With Another Guy, 2000-3000 Calories, Depending On Backswings.

So, I Travel A Lot. I Hate Traveling, Mostly 'cause My Dad Used To Beat Me With A Globe.