Every Election I Have To Hold My

I Wanted To Do A Show Based On What My Life Would Be Like If I Had Never Become A Comedian.

I Always Thought I Was Going To Die Before I Was 60.

The First Monopoly Game I Played With My Brothers, I Hated Losing So Much, I Just Had To Beat Them.

I Moved From Cleveland To L.a. With A Girlfriend, We Broke Up, And I Lived Out Of My Car For A Year And A Half, On The Road With Nothing On My Mind But Getting My Act Good Enough To Be On 'the Tonight Show.'

I'm The Kind Of Person That Likes What I'm Doing When I'm Doing It.