Every Time I See Peter Falk In

Happiness Is The Quiet Lull Between Problems.

Parents Often Give Middle Names Just So That Later, When They're Yelling At The Kid, They Can Drag It Out. Henry David Thoreau, You Come In Here This Instant!

Two Or Three Times A Week, I Drive By The Houses Of Numbers 78-100 Just To Rub It In.

When People Talk About Wanting To Have Children Someday, What They Really Mean Is That They Want Babies. Nobody Wants An Angry Adolescent. Nobody Wants An Obnoxious Seven-year-old Trying To Wear Out Dirty Words They Just Learned In School That Day. What They Really Want Is Cute, Adorable Babies Who Love You And Need You. The Bad Stuff Is Just The Price You Agree To Pay For Having The Good Stuff.

A Friend Told Me To Listen To My Heart. Another Friend Told Me To Listen To My Gut. Maybe I Need An Autopsy, Because Right Now My Colon Is Kind Of Iffy.